The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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