I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
