farters have to be the big spoon...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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