Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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