When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I deserve this hangover.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
