i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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