You really coming over, don't trick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
