i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
