Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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