If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
