I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
