i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drake has all the answers
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
