They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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