I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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