So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
