So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
