and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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