The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
