I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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