you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
