y did u give ur computer a hand job?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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