I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
