They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
