so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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