why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
