dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
