Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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