so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if i died would you start the facebook group?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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