Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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