Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
