I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
