6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
