I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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