One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
