Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
