He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
