I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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