im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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