I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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