the condom got lost in my hair
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
