Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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