Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
