the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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