i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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