I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
