she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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