im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
