i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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