It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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