I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
