Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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