At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
