How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
