Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
how does that bad decision feel?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
