what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
